People who think they know what they're doing are especially annoying to those of us who do.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else
Some things have to be believed to be seen.

Everything that we feel, think, say or do is a message we give to everyone around us

Growing old is mandatory - Growing up is obligatory.

Research causes cancer in rats.

Money can't buy happiness, but allows a choice of misery.

Gravity is a myth , The Earth Sucks

Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine.

When you want to be honored by others, you learn to honor them first.

Our economy is simply the trade of paper or nothing at all for other things which may or may not be paper.

Fame: Chiefly a matter of dying at the right moment.

You can't achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.

Life is like . . . an analogy.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

If God intented man to smoke, he would've set him on fire.

Life is too important to be taken seriously.

You might be staring at this screen for awhile

A book is like a leg, only it doesn't bleed as much if you stab it.

Just because I don't know where I'm going doesn't mean I don't know how to get there.

"not being able to speak is not the same as having nothing to say"

Blessed are the pessimists, for they have made backups.

Cancer cures smoking

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it

God loves stupid people, that's why he made so many.

42

There's a reason not to do anything that there is to do

"It happens sometimes. People just explode. Natural causes."

A mind is a terrible thing to taste.

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.

Many a family tree needs trimming.

"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting."

The entire purpose of some people's lives is to serve as a warning to others.

Join the Army, Meet interesting people, and Kill Them.

Elevators smell different to midgets. (SO FUCKIN FUNNY!!)

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

The truth is not out there, it's in you

For most men a girlfriend is necessary, they are however also very inconvenient.

What we call reality is only a point of view.

History does not repeat itself, but it often rhymes

You can't be a warrior if you never leave the house.

It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.

The chances of your dying on the trip to buy your MegaBucks ticket is greater than your chance of winning.

"If you can't make it good, make it LOOK good."

Laziness: the habit of resting before you get tired.